I spend a lot of time alone.
Even when I’m with people, I’m often alone.
I’m sitting alone now. There’s people in the other room, but I’m by myself. It isn’t until the night hits that the loneliness sets in. I’m virtually always either at work or by myself. I miss having friends, someone to do something with, or anything of the sorts. My friend Nichole came to visit this weekend, which was nice. I had just seen her for the Camp Kekoka Polar Plunge.
However, we were reunited again. It was fun, but then she left… and I was back to being alone.
I’m trying (and failing) to find things to fill my time. I’m in grad school full time, so of course that sucks up a huge amount of my free time. I’m constantly reading something. My knitting needs to be in my hands more often than not. I just feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole where I’m by myself.
Currently it seems like virtually everyone is annoying me. I’ve been doing my own thing and haven’t talked to my friends in other scattered locations much because I have felt like I’m going to snap at someone. Everyone seems so harsh and judgemental with their thoughts. I’m not perfect and I haven’t lived a perfect life. I’m proud of who I am and where I’ve gotten, but I have my moments where I’m floundering like a fish out of water. In those moments, there’s always someone in my life making a wise crack or being persnickety about what I should be doing to right things.
In order to avoid all of that, I’ve just taken to not responding. Just doing my own thing. Can’t hurt anyone’s feelings if I’m not talking to them. Of course, this only confounds the problem that I have. I’m back to being alone, more so than ever because I’m withdrawing myself from the outside world so I don’t have to deal with the smart alecks.
What to do, what to do?