What should I be doing right now?
I should be finishing the mad dash of book checkin, making sure my library helpers are scurrying to all of the classrooms that they need to hit that morning before it is time for them to go to their itinerant class.
But instead I won’t see them again this school year. I won’t get to remind them to get going, ask if they went to all of the rooms, and tell them to get out of the Magna-Tiles bucket and get to work.
I should be waiting for fifth grade to barge through the door. They should be hearing my, “I know you did not just come up in my room with all that noise like that.” Ms. Bryant should be rolling her eyes at me and thanking the Lord that her hearing ain’t what it used to be.
But instead we didn’t get to say goodbye. We didn’t get any last hugs, any last see you laters, good luck next year, here is how to reach me if you need anything… they were gone before we got the word. And now two weeks has turned in the rest of the year. We are reeling.
I don’t know what this world looks like for us. I don’t know what my job looks like. I am a librarian without a library. Our teachers are teachers without a classroom. Our technicians and ITRTs are left scrambling to support their teachers during this time. I am left wondering who has internet, who has enough to eat, who is sick, who isn’t being supervised enough because mama or daddy’s job is essential…
I am hoping that our kids will remember the fun times they had with their parents. I hope that they aren’t feeling the adult stresses that we are feeling right now… and I feel for those who are feeling that burden.
I don’t know what the future looks like and that is the peak of my anxiety. I am eagerly awaiting “marching orders” from the powers that be. I want to serve my students in the best way possible… and I have faith that the powers that be will give us the guidance and tools to help our kids.
But for now, I am just sad and mourning what was left of our year. This has been the most trying year already and this only compounds things. I am forcing myself to have a positive outlook–nowhere to go but up, baby.
And for now, I’m off to figure out what I “should be doing right now” in this new situation that we are in.