I spend a lot of time alone.
Even when I’m with people, I’m often alone.
I’m sitting alone now. There’s people in the other room, but I’m by myself. It isn’t until the night hits that the loneliness sets in. I’m virtually always either at work or by myself. I miss having friends, someone to do something with, or anything of the sorts. My friend Nichole came to visit this weekend, which was nice. I had just seen her for the Camp Kekoka Polar Plunge.
However, we were reunited again. It was fun, but then she left… and I was back to being alone.
I’m trying (and failing) to find things to fill my time. I’m in grad school full time, so of course that sucks up a huge amount of my free time. I’m constantly reading something. My knitting needs to be in my hands more often than not. I just feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole where I’m by myself.
Currently it seems like virtually everyone is annoying me. I’ve been doing my own thing and haven’t talked to my friends in other scattered locations much because I have felt like I’m going to snap at someone. Everyone seems so harsh and judgemental with their thoughts. I’m not perfect and I haven’t lived a perfect life. I’m proud of who I am and where I’ve gotten, but I have my moments where I’m floundering like a fish out of water. In those moments, there’s always someone in my life making a wise crack or being persnickety about what I should be doing to right things.
In order to avoid all of that, I’ve just taken to not responding. Just doing my own thing. Can’t hurt anyone’s feelings if I’m not talking to them. Of course, this only confounds the problem that I have. I’m back to being alone, more so than ever because I’m withdrawing myself from the outside world so I don’t have to deal with the smart alecks.
What to do, what to do?
Tonight is going to be fun. One of my bestest friends from college is coming to visit. I just saw Nichole a few weeks ago at the Polar Plunge, but I’m already excited to see her again.
I’ve gotten myself ready and Snapchatted it to prove that it happened (because if you don’t share something online, does it really happen?). I’m now just waiting. She should be here in about an hour. I’m dying to have a few drinks at one of our favorite haunts, so she’s driving to come get me and then being the designated driver (always gotta play it safe!). She’s already driven something like 4 or 5 hours, so I’m worried that I’m making her drive again, but I think she’ll survive. We won’t get too wild or crazy, but it’ll be good to do something other than work.
Yesterday was my 25th birthday. My mama made me a cake with her homemade chocolate icing and I documented the process.
Chocolate Butter Frosting
1 lb. Domino Confect. 10x powdered suga
1/2 cup cocoa
1/8 tsp salt
1/4 lb soft butter or marg.
1 tsp. vanilla extract
5-7 tb. milk
Throw all of this into a double boiler and voila, you have icing!
We use storebought cake mix but the icing makes all the difference in the world.
I think it turned out perfectly.
I love Staunton. No matter what time of year, it always yields beautiful pictures. I had a coworker cooperate with me during my lunch break so I could test the 50mm lens. Snapped these photos downtown and on campus as well. It was one of those days where it was beautiful. I was quite happy with the results. Can’t wait to test it some more while I’m home this weekend. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some pics today when I see Ashley, but it’s so cold outside that I don’t think we’ll be able to go out. I hate I can’t go to Drake’s soccer game because it’s right when we’ll be eating lunch. He’s with his dad this weekend, but at least I’ll get to see him Sunday afternoon.
I’m excited for a good birthday weekend.
Not much to say today, just wanted to drop a photo.